Rhapsody

sometimes, apologies are not enough

Again, after quite a while, I feel unwelcomed in this place. Sometimes a refuge, a haven, and a sanctuary; other times a plain edifice, cold, troublesome, and a sole misery.

I am revealed in this page, thus, surprising those who know not of the stains that fills my cloth, but of the bright smiles, the cheery laughs, and the seemingly endless happy soul.

An optimist, though I may be, the strength to be one cannot last forever. Sadness and deppression is bound to overcome me, until such time I once again have the energy to project my happy, cheery self.

Have you not felt like that before? As if no amount of sunshine can make you happy, even though it usually does the trick?

I somehow pride myself for being appreciative of even the smallest things. And I do, I really do love it all. But you see... things are not always what they seem.

Sense is not a thing of importance to me right now, and follow if you must, but you're not asked to do so. Follow on your own free will as I am not promising any clarity from this point forward, as clarity is what I, myself, am lacking within.

Times before, I have felt the same unwelcomed feeling. It's a feeling that one would usually not want to have, and certainly not something one would enjoy.

A heavy, lonely heart is all that one has, and so, to seek refuge from the outside world is the only option.

To smile to the world and enjoy the simplest things is the only thing one can do, for not long after the sun departs the horizon, it will soon be within the horizon's reach again to allow the moon it's time in the sky, and one would again have this unwelcomed feeling, wishing nothing but to be away from it.

Everyone knows apathy hurts more than hate.

Then when the sun again, bids farewell to the horizon to give the world the sunshine it needs, one would again revert to the smiles and the laughter that one looks forward to as the moon shines with the stars.

One does not wish to be reminded of the troubles that await in the edifice called 'home', and would rather not have it talked about at any time, unless one broaches the subject. One does not want sympathy, nor pity.

Yes. The happy, cheerful outside world that one gets to enjoy is not a place for such miserarble things.

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If you don't want my apology, then don't take it. I've given it to you anyway, so I'm not taking it back. Give me apathy. Ignore me. Forget me. I did what I had to do.

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Seeking refuge and solace from my friends has always been a better option since it's seems it is they who know me best. Pretending to know me, are what people in this house are best at anyway.

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You know that heavy feeling in your chest and you have trouble breathing? And you feel as if you want to burst, but at the same time, you can't? That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.

And in a way, I have burst or I wouldn't be typing this.


Just know that queries regarding this matter will not be entertained by the writer unless she feels like so. As it is written above, the writer would rather not have her day spoiled by discussing things that shouldn't even be discussed. Any attempts to ask will be ignored by the writer and will not be acknowledged until such time the subject is changed.

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do not think that the writer is bitter about anything as that is not the case.

posted by chanteusse @ 11:24 PM